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In 2005, my second elderly sister died of pancreatic cancer. My family and I took a year to get her going through all the pain suffering, helping her with the final step of her life journey. However, it took me “years” to accept her “death” incident. The great distress and trauma had been buried in my mind for the loss of beloved one. Since then, my families have been avoiding talking about her death, which to some extent, the sorrow turned out to be the unspeakable barriers among us.
It has come to 2015-- a time since my sister had passed away for a decade. For the memory of lost one, I took my camera to record my families. I tried to present my audience the life story in the format of “autobiographical documentary film”. The footages I recorded spanned 10 years during which, I tried to sort out my complex transitions of mind from huge distress to letting go. The persistent nightmare, the following inextricable newborn and death events have gradually become part of the daily life. However, life just keeps moving on. The process of interviewing my families seems to unravel the life knots that previously bound us altogether. I felt much more relieved facing those once forbidden to talk, unspeakable, and dare not to speak issues while taking the camera filming my families.
I expect to share my personal experiences with others in terms of coping with the death issues. However, cruel as it may seem, the life cycle as birth, illness, old age, and death cannot be escapable. Filming itself as a process seems to parallel preparation for another coming death, no matter it belongs to others or your own.
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